The problem of love without God

In the first part of this series, we looked at how easily the word love slips through our fingers. We use it for everything from sushi to strangers, from preferences to passions, until the word stretches so thin it can mean almost anything — and therefore almost nothing.

But there’s a deeper reason love has become weightless. It isn’t just overuse. It isn’t just confusion. It’s disconnection.

Somewhere along the way, we tried to talk about love without talking about God. We tried to define love by our desires, our politics, our feelings, our moment in history — anything except the One Scripture says is love. And when you separate a word from its source, you shouldn’t be surprised when it loses its substance.

That’s the real problem underneath all the others. Love without God isn’t just thin. It’s unstable. It bends toward whatever we want it to mean.

And once we start redefining love, we inevitably start redefining God — or replacing Him altogether. That’s not a new problem; it’s as old as Eden. But it’s a problem that shapes everything happening in our culture today, including the conflicts inside the church itself.

The image above is a conceptual watercolor illustration of two red hearts on a soft, neutral background. The heart on the left is semi-transparent with faded edges and a barely visible jagged crack down the center, symbolizing a heart unaware of its brokenness. The heart on the right is solid, vibrant, and intact, representing the restoration God offers through His love. The image evokes a quiet emotional contrast and invites reflection on the choice between settling for a fractured version of love or receiving the fullness of love from its true source.

The idea behind that image is what we’re going to examine in this segment. We’re going to slow down and ask a harder question: What does love look like when we let God define it? Because if love comes from God — as John insists — then the only way to recover the weight of love is to return to the God who gives it.

God’s kind of love

This may sound so deep and complicated, So, let’s begin really simply, God’s kind of love is, in a word, God.

So, let’s take a look at the difference between God’s love and ours. You know, I find this difference incredibly hopeful. We all have issues with the way the world is now, whether it’s individual relationships, world events, or anywhere in between. BTW, that includes even our relationship with ourselves! With that view in mind, let’s see what Joun said about God, love, and us.

When John writes, Dear friends, let us love one another, the audience is other Christians.  He says love comes from God. As an example of God’s love for us, John writes about Jesus.  Given that, we’re clearly talking about Christians as people who believe Jesus is the Son of God.  Also, we believe that Jesus died on the cross, was resurrected, and returned to Heaven.  Without those basic beliefs, John’s conclusion in verse 10 makes no sense.

Calling ourselves Christian is meaningless unless we believe this is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  While that may sound obvious, it apparently isn’t.  At least 25% of people who claim to be Christian do not believe that Jesus was resurrected from the dead.  Again – unless we believe that, His sacrifice cannot exist.  There’s no forgiveness.  And God’s love is as meaningless as me loving ikura sushi with a quail egg on top (from part 1 – The problem of love without caring).

That’s important for everyone to realize.  Including those of you who are non-Christians.  If your view of Christianity is negative because of people who don’t believe and/or don’t live as if they don’t believe this, know that their basic beliefs are 180 degrees opposite of what the Bible teaches.  And their view of “love”, because of that, is skewed.

As for non-Christians who don’t believe what I just wrote about Jesus, that’s OK.  You’re not claiming to be Christian.  I have nothing against you.  I do hope to convince you to take (another?) look at what Christianity really is, but it’s not my place to judge you.

God is love

This part of the passage is the source for when Christians say that “God is love”.  It has some examples and the reasons why “God is love” is so important.  To step away from these verses and redefine love as something else is to redefine God.  In other words, to have a different view of love, one based on our wishes for what we want love to mean, is to redefine God in our image.  And then, God ceases to be God.  We then have a different kind of love, one without caring.

Also, by this action, we’ve made ourselves into god.  Or, at the very least tried to put ourselves above God.  As you may remember, that’s the very scenario from the Garden of Eden.

Understanding the importance of this is critical. And as we saw above, there are way too many people who believe/think they’re Christians and are truly following Jesus’ teachings. So, I need to ask this question: For those of you who are Christian, tell me – do you really want to go there?  Especially for those who are Christian leaders, tell me – do you really want to go there?  Christian leaders, of all people, really have to know where this is going to end up.  Hint – it’s not a good place.  Don’t be redefining love.  Don’t be redefining God.

We love because he first loved us

Now, let’s return to the closing paragraph of “God’s Love and Ours” from 1 John.

The image of the two candles is a visual representation of “We love because he first loved us“.

The gray candle is us. We’re gray because we don’t truly understand love to it’s fullest extent. Yes, we have certain concepts about love. But they’re minimal compared to what God’s love is.

The red candle is God. It’s red to symbolize Jesus’ death on the cross. Under the New Covenant, Jesus is the way to restore our relationship with God that was lost in Eden after The Fall. No, it doesn’t restore it completely. That won’t happen in this life, but in the next.

The image shows an offer from God to us. An offer to begin that process of restoration. If you look closely, you’ll see the flame from the red candle doesn’t quite touch the wick on the gray candle. That represents God coming down from Heaven to be with us. Jesus’ birth, 3-year ministry on earth, suffering and death on the cross, resurrection from the dead, and ultimate return to Heaven.

Yes, God did all that. But we also need to do something. We need to believe, as in John 3:16 below. Only then will the red candle light the gray candle. Only when we accept God’s offer of salvation through Jesus will our gray candle be lit. Our understanding of God’s love can begin. If we accept the offer.

Now, do you see what I meant with that question above? Knowing and trying to live out God’s kind of love is critical for a Christian. Of course, I also believe it is for non-Christians. However, as I said, while I encourage you to check this out – I also know Christians are told not to judge non-believers.

The implications of “We love because he first loved us”

This brings in two important points.  First – that we love because God loved us first.  Second, it brings in the contrasting issue of hate.

Yes, God did love us first.  I know, Adam and Eve got kicked out of the Garden of Eden.  But it’s not like it was for no reason.  They got plenty of warning.  If anything, they deserved worse.  After all, looking at the literal Hebrew from Genesis, God told them they would die die.  Yes – die is there twice, it’s not a typo.  For more on that whole Eden incident, please see Why were Adam and Eve kicked out of the Garden of Eden? and The Problem of Free Will.

The New Testament opens with yet another example of God’s love.  Jesus – who we read about above.  And remember what’s probably the single most famous verse in the Bible, one which shows great love and caring:

Once again, we really shouldn’t be redefining God’s love.  Jesus died, for us, because of God’s love.  The very same love that some are trying to redefine.  For a non-Christian to do this, it’s understandable.  For a Christian to do it, it’s beyond belief.  God’s love is at the very core of what we believe.  How can we even want to change it?

I love God but hate my brother

What is hate?

Presumably, hate is the absence of love.  Dictionary.com says:

OK, but exactly what is it that is hated?  That’s a question that needs to be answered.

But before we go there, let’s look at the Biblical meanings, both Old and New Testament. We can’t really look at the usage of a word today, knowing that love has lost its meaning from Biblical times, and still expect to learn about love or hate.

HATE (Heb. śānē˒; Gk. miséō).

Aversion or hostility. Biblical usage represents a broad range of nuances from intense malice to simple disregard as expressed between individuals and groups and between God and mankind.

Myers, Allen C. The Eerdmans Bible Dictionary. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1987.

We start off the same – aversion and hostility.  However, the wide range of the intensity of the hatred, and the introduction of God are both new.

According to the Old Testament, hatred may stem from wickedness (Ps. 26:5), ill will (25:19), apostasy (101:3), or political differences (Dan. 4:19 [MT 16]).

Myers, Allen C. The Eerdmans Bible Dictionary. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1987.

Even the differences between people within a religion can be, but aren’t always, political.

The wicked hate those who are righteous (Prov. 29:10), just as the righteous hate those who sin (e.g., Ps. 119:113, 163).

Myers, Allen C. The Eerdmans Bible Dictionary. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1987.

Note that the part about the righteous hate those who sin was changed by Jesus. 

From definitions to scripture

Definitions are one thing. They are informational. The thing is – what do we do with that information? We can use words to confirm our position. We can use those same words to strengthen our position. Or, and this is the key, we can use those same words to realize our position has problems – and we can transform our thoughts to align with the words.

In the case of hate, Christians are told to love those who sin, even their enemies. One place to see that is in a passage where Jesus talks about loving even our enemies.

Note:  To “hate” God means to reject or break the covenant relationship with God.  Redefining God and His love is most certainly breaking the covenant relationship with God.  That’s something for every Christian to realize.  It’s especially important for our leaders to know that, remember it, and be sure they don’t do it.  Otherwise we have something that’s not God’s love and it without His caring.

Myers, Allen C. The Eerdmans Bible Dictionary. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1987.

Please remember, this entire last section, the definitions, the passage, are things Christians have promised to do. It’s part of being a believer.

Not only that, but they are also essential for two things. More than two, no doubt. But two that are most relevant today.

First, in order to experience God’s Spirit, love, joy, peace, and so many other things, we must begin working on loving even our enemies. Imagine what that means for our friends if we love even those who are against us!

Second, hopefully you remember that we’re commanded to perform the Great Commission.

What is a Christian?

This feels like a good time for a side-trip.  A look back to check out Christianity, the name and the people called Christians.  Again, remember this isn’t about those who claim to be Christians but believe something else.  This is about what Christianity really was when it got started, nearly 2,000 years ago.

Here in part 2 of Love Without Caring, we’ve traced why love feels so thin in our world — not because love itself has changed, but because we’ve tried to live it without the One who defines it. When we disconnect love from God, we’re left with something that looks familiar but can’t carry the weight we place on it. It can’t steady us. It can’t transform us. It can’t heal what’s broken in us or between us.

John’s words make the contrast unavoidable: we love because He first loved us. If we lose the “first,” we eventually lose the “love.”

But this is not where the story ends.

If God’s love is the source, then it’s also the starting point for rebuilding — not just our understanding of love, but our understanding of ourselves. Part 3 turns toward that restoration. It asks what happens when God doesn’t just offer love from above, but reshapes the heart that receives it. It’s where the thin, fragile version of love we’ve known gives way to something stronger, steadier, and far more human than we expected.

Part 3 will explore what Christian faith is meant to restore in us — and why recovering real love requires becoming the kind of people who can actually live it.